Crash course women’s arousal and pleasure

Author: taliaamour
May 30, 2019

women’s #arousal and #pleasure 
One of the greatest challenges in #relationships is

unskilled/uneducated/unaware lovers and #communication breakdown.

It is no surprise these can be major issues. Many of us had a lack of accurate sexual health information available growing up and even as adults. There is little to no research done on women’s sexual pleasure and pain. (please donate to vulvalove.org) No one ever teaches us communication skills, let alone communication skills about sexual needs and desires. 

Many women often say no sex is better than bad sex! Especially if they are having trouble experiencing orgasm with a partner, if they have asked for what they want and are not getting it or simply don’t know what to ask for or how to ask.

Here are a few tips and recommendations for creating a more satisfying experience for yourself and your partner.

Have a consent or exploration conversation before you dive into any sexual experience. (especially with a new partner)

Make sure that she feels comfortable to communicate with you- *hot tip: Frame the conversation- Say out loud- there are no judgment or expectations and nothing will be taken personally, this is all just information…and mean it!

Many women are willing to try different things as long as they feel safe and not ashamed or judged by/with their partner, trust is of utmost importance! 

Guys: Don’t act out the porn you just saw unless you have had a discussion about it first. Porn is not real life. Porn is not sex education, porn is entertainment – you don’t see the before, in between and after care – it is only the hi lites for your entertainment. Porn can be used in a healthy way. However be conscious: when it has become your main source of turn on, only way you learned about sex and or viewed compulsively it can greatly disturb arousal, strength of erection/erection consistency, sexual response and relationships with other people.

Idea- Perhaps you could watch porn together then talk about the way it makes you feel and discuss whether or not it’s something that you would like to try together.

Remember- in the heat of the moment yes’ can become no’s but no’s can not become yes’. 

  (Side note: Even with an escort it is best to find out what they are comfortable with when you start the date (not via email, many companions will don’t discuss specifics via email for safety reasons) Just because you are making a donation for their TIME doesn’t give you permission to treat them in a way that they feel is disrespectful or unpleasurable to them.)

*hot tip: how to start a conversation ? You could say 

I’m really into XYZ are you comfortable with that?’ 

‘I recently saw this type of play and I am interested in experimenting. 

How do you feel/what do you think about that? 

 Would you like to try it with me?’ 

Tell me if I am using too much or too little pressure…

Does xyz feel good to you? 

Would you like more pressure than this or less?

What are your boundaries as far as kink?

What do you find pleasurable? 

What is not pleasurable to you? 

A little bit of communication even if it feels awkward, can guarantee a more satisfying experience for you both. Keep in mind the more you have these conversations the more comfortable they will become.

Please do not be offended if your partner has not had an orgasm with you or their whole life.

Most women take orgasm to make the man feel better about himself/not to hurt his feelings. (Some men’s self esteem and ego is greatly intertwined in their sexual prowess. This is a harmful message men receive growing up that I believe needs to be dispelled as it is harmful to men and women alike) 

If a woman has never orgasmed remind them they deserve sexual pleasure and you are honored to help them experience that- at their own pace. 

*possibility: There may be a misconception of what an orgasm is. Keep in mind: what you see in porn is not always how a woman expresses orgasm. (I know I have had silent orgasms, laughing orgasms, intense loud orgasms, shaking orgasms). There is a full spectrum of orgasmic energy and it comes out in many different ways. Don’t limit her. Just because it doesn’t look like you think it should, does not mean that she did not experience orgasm. Porn is exaggerated and dramatic for your entertainment, it’s just like any movie where emotions and actions are dramatize in order to get the point across. 

*recommendation: video-becoming orgasmic. 

It can be helpful to see how other women look during an orgasm that is not staged. Some women feel like they look ugly or weird when they have that big O. 

Give her more time to become aroused before direct genital contact. 

Encourage self pleasure and to go longer with self pleasure.

Did you know: most women take anywhere from 20-40 min to become fully aroused. 

Challenges experiencing orgasm may result from having a conservative family upbringing. There may be shame and guilt around sexuality. Maybe there was no privacy to even explore themselves. They may even have old patterns of orgasm and masrurbation that are challenging to integrate into partner sex….have no judgments and do not shame them. 

Did you know: 80 to 90 %of women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. 3 out of 4 women do not reach orgasm from penetrative sex alone. 

New techniques may need to be learned. 

*book recommendation: She Comes First

Sexalogical body work is an option depending on where you live and the laws. 

Betty Dodson is a great resource for women to become comfortable with/get to know their bodies and orgasm.

Trusting their partner is a large part of experiencing orgasm as well. Trust is built by little things through the day and overtime. Doing what you say you will (having integrity with your words and actions) about little things helps to build trust. Call when you say you will, ask her about something she thought was important she shared with you. Being on time. I know it sounds silly but if you have integrity with little things it shows you will have integrity with big things. That creates trust.

It takes courage to be vulnerable and release control. Learning to/allow yourself to let go and relax and experience is a huge deal! Again this comes from discussing boundaries and respecting/sticking to them. 

One mee hot tip for you- 

remove the pressure/expectations around having an orgasm or an ejaculation! Come into the moment and enjoy the connection. Fall in love with the journey along the way unattached to an end result. That is when magic happens. 

Travel dates 

Pittsburgh may 25-June 1

Tampa June 2-9

Atlanta June 10-14

Tampa June 14- sept 3

Sept 4 is my birthday I will be going to Costa Rica for a Coaching Workshop. I would be very grateful for any gifts/donations to contribute towards this training. The dates are sept 5-13 so I leave on my birthday and get home on sept 14. 

Donations to my education can be sent to holisticprogressions@yahoo.com via P.P send money to a friend. I also have venmo you can message me for that info. Thank you in advance for your generosity and support on my mission to dispel the false belief that masculine energy is toxic. It is time to bring the Divine back to masculine! When we bring the Conscious Divine masculine we also bring Conscious Divine feminine. When we heal one we heal the other two halves make us whole.

Website link
Twitter @talia_amour

Email taliaamour@protonmail.com

img 5334 Crash course womens arousal and pleasure img 5307 Crash course womens arousal and pleasureimg 5335 Crash course womens arousal and pleasure


Sex and technology 

Author: taliaamour
March 2, 2018

Sex tech
By Talia Amour

So I just listened to this presentation by Dr Holly Richmond on sex and Technology. There was so much information in this hour presentation I’m going to have to go back and listen to it again. I can’t wait for her book to come out! 

Off of the top of my head the 4 main things that stood out to me and got my mind going warp speed seriously I was listening to this at the gym and I was totally talking to myself, all worked up) as follows….

First things first! the opportunities for sex workers are enormous!

 Can you imagine seeing clients/sex workers without physically being there? There’s technology now where two people can have devices be halfway across the world and have them synced together: I can have a vibrator/ dildo that is linked up to your Fleshlight type device and either one of us can control the stroking…so like we’re actually there with each other but we’re halfway around the globe?! If you put a virtual reality headset on with these devices you have a complete immersion experience. (Check out Kiiroo.com) Some of these devices are linked through apps….. I’m interested in the idea that I could get my body visually copied in virtual reality, do a mold of my pussy and create an app that is connected to me personally. (if you are a sex tech company dm me, please I want to get into this) You could log on with the device that goes with the app and we can play in VR world! I could see clients all around the world without being there in person… can you imagine???

would you sign up for this as a sex worker or as a client??

or have a private lap dance in VR linked to a live dancer?? 

The second thing that’s blowing my mind is all these new sexual preferences coming out….how about this one called Digi sexual. It’s the idea that some people have a sexual preference towards computers or virtual reality or non human interaction. I still need to do a little more research on this to fully understand and grasp the concept. My first impression is personally, (in my own personal opinion) I think it’s nonsense….’what did these people do before tech?” I asked the presenter. 

She says they just felt isolated and alone because they didn’t have any options. As a sex coach I can hold space for someone without Judgment of them and acknowledge and validate as well as normalize their preference. “as long as they feel like they’re healthy” she said.

I asked isn’t it healthy for people to reach out to other human beings and engage in partner sex? She said that Digital Sex Is Still sex, self pleasure and masturbation still counts as sex. So moving forward, as long as you are happy and healthy in general and have no issues with your preference to only interact with yourself and a computer then more power to you. In my personal life I’m not really sure where I stand just yet more will be revealed.

 My idea is that as long as sex is consensual between two people then it’s fine but this brings up the point that it’s not another person, it’s just technology… maybe I’m dating myself or aging myself but I’m having challenges wrapping my head around the fact that there are people out there that do not prefer human interaction in any way shape or form and do not have any dysfunction involved with this preference. Dr Richmond said that this is a new category and realistically maybe 1% if that of the population would consider themselves digi sexual.

Number 3 thing that was mentioned is that right now a lot of this new virtual reality technology is based on male point of views (pov). We are just now starting to see some virtual reality from a female perspective. She was able to participate and making the first virtual reality sex education experience made from a female standpoint! How awesome is that?!

Even the companion dolls or sex robots as some people call them, are majority female marketed towards men. She said the people purchasing these custom-made dolls are mostly men at this point and see them as companions not just as a sexual object which is a whole nother level if you ask me. 

There’s a part of me that questions what’s going on with this person that they have an inability or unwilling to interact with another human being on an intimate level. I understand that some people don’t have the social skills, experience or the confidence to reach out for interaction with another person; but the other part of me thinks that there can be healing done around this and socialization can be learned, confidence can be built. Yes, some people are naturally more outgoing and social but in general those skills can be learned. 

Another question for you the readers would you date someone or have a serious relationship with someone that you knew was into the companion dolls or had a companion doll? How would you feel about a partner getting up companion doll? 

The presenters main point about the sex tech industry is that it has the ability to be utilized for Sex Therapy, recovering from trauma,abuse and learning how to be intimate with a partner. She’s also promoting its use to help people experience empathy, for example a man and a woman switch point of views in virtual reality: now a man sees what it’s like to be in a woman’s shoes during a sexual experience and vice versa. She’s talking about something that happens when you look into another person’s eyes: a feeling of connection, compassion and empathy a deeper bond is formed. 

Another question for you the readers (I’m very curious about a lot of things)

Do you think that you could experience an emotional connection with artificial intelligence or somebody in virtual reality? 

The reality is, people are already forming emotional connections and intimate relationships through the internet, virtual reality and gaming.

Fourth thing that stood out to me that was briefly touched on: what are the social implications of virtual reality, internet sexual experiences? Dr Richmond (and I too am hopeful), naturally has a positive spin on this. At present, we are already dealing with the implications of technology in our sex lives. In Esther Perel’s book State of Affairs, she discusses the meaning of infidelity in today’s society and in multiple cultures. Each couple must determine what infidelity means to them. Is webcam cheating? visiting a massage parlor? If it is a paid interaction, does it still count? 

What about simply chatting with old lovers or Partners online? Are you cheating if you still keep your dating apps and simply flirting with people online but don’t ever meet them? 

Maybe cheating is more of an emotional connection: is it more distressing to you to know that your partner has formed a deep emotional bond with somebody else or is it more painful to think that they had a fling- a non-emotional, sexual experience and just moved on? Technology can bring so much joy, diversity/variety, progress and pleasure….yet it can also be applied negatively and we experience confusion and pain. (After all I always say: our greatest qualities can quickly become our worst depending on how they are applied).

Being of the school of thought that sex addiction and porn addiction is not a technical thing in psychology, (as it is not in the DSM 5) being of the school of thought that there are compulsive Behavior patterns that needs to be addressed; the theory going around is that virtual reality porn and such is not going to exacerbate the problem. If somebody has a issue with compulsive Behavior then they already have that issue: having another outlet for it is not going to create more people with compulsive Behavior. What do you think?

Her prediction is that within the next five years we’re going to be seeing more of this sextech geared toward partner sex.

The more we normalize sexuality and focus on consensual sexual behavior, the more we will be open to experience and explore with ourselves and partners. 

Is sexuality something to be hidden for you to hold within yourself and keep from your partner? or is it something to be shared and explored together? Are there limits to what is shared or kept secret? or are you supposed to share everything with your partner sexually? The virtual reality realm opens the door for us to have experiences that we may not normally do in real life. We are of the school of thought that even Digital Sex counts as sex.

Yes more questions for you to ponder… does Digital Sex count as sex to you? can you see yourself with your partner engaging in sex tech together?

I would love to get your feedback on this send me a direct message or reply on Twitter, comment on this post, you can even send me an email…. there’s so much to be explored and I am so interested to hear everyone’s opinions

#technology #sextech

img 3694 Sex and technology 


sexual and porn addiction and compulsive Behavior patterns
By Talia Amour

http://taliaamour.cuties-sites.com/

As you know I offer sex coaching. There are a range of things that people come to a sex coach for. Sex coaching is a NON medical approach. It is an empowering process that offers sexual health information as well as coaching in a confidential, non judgmental atmosphere. We assess situations, help you clarify your goals and help you create action plans to achieve them. We do not diagnose and treat mental illness, we do not focus on the past or processing past emotions like a therapist would.

I have noticed a theme that many people have come to me with over the past few years and it seems even more prominent as of lately. I wanted to take a moment to share this with you and let you know that I have had a lot of experience around this topic and I am happy to be of service to anyone going through it or who has a partner going through it.

The topic is compulsive sexual behavior such as compulsive masturbation and over use of porn or acting out sexually. Some people refer to it as sex addiction or porn addiction. Addiction is the term therapy uses. Doctors are trained to diagnose and treat illness. ‘Addiction’ is the diagnosis they give you so they can send it to your insurance company and get paid for their services.

Coaches do not Medicalize the situation therefore we do not use or believe in the term ‘sex addiction’ or ‘porn addiction’. Our approach is that you are displaying compulsive behavior patterns or compulsive activities.

There are healthy ways to engage in sex, porn and masturbation. however if you are using this to avoid situations, avoid feelings or if it is causing you problems or negatively affecting your life then it needs to be addressed.

A lot of people ask me: how do you know if it’s a problem? Usually people that don’t have a problem, don’t wonder if they do. Only you can decide if it is a problem. There are some signs and questions to ask yourself to asses if your behavior is becoming an issue:

is your behavior negatively affecting your relationships with others? if so how is it negatively affecting your relationship with others? how you see others, feel about others, what you do to others? (specifically your partner or prospective partner)

Do you avoid interaction with people and/or no longer seek partner sexual activity and or connection I’m real life?

Are you having issues achieving orgasm without masturbation or without porn?

Do you have issues becoming aroused when you are not using porn?

are you choosing to masturbate instead of having sex with your partner?

Are you avoiding relationships because of your porn usage?

Do you experience guilt, shame or a feeling of disconnection or ‘let down’ after seeking out random/ anonymous sex or porn ?

are you experiencing erectile dysfunction with a partner but not when your watching porn

are you using as one night stands to avoid feelings or communication issues in your relationship?  

What negative consequences have you/do you experience due to your compulsive Behavior patterns?

If you have answered yes to many of these questions I’m happy to talk to you about coaching. We must first determine and clarify where you’re at; what’s not working for you. Then we can figure out what you would like to achieve and how to go about achieving it. Even if you are even questioning yourself, it may be helpful to talk to someone.
I have gone through trainings for life coaching sex coaching and I have experience with compulsive behaviors and Recovery. Sometimes within the coaching process issues arise from the past such as trauma abuse that have not been addressed. Coaching is not about processing Deep Emotions from past traumas, so there are times when I refer those specific issues out to a therapist. You can still continue the coaching process however deep-seated emotional traumas need to be processed by a therapist so that you can become present and focused on moving forward. Coaching acknowledges the past yet our goal is to create action plans to help you move forward and achieving your goals.

Many of the men I have worked with find success through coaching. All you need is the awareness, willingness and desire to achieve your goals. You are not broken, you do not have a disease! You are actually in a place of transformation and growth.

We all deserve to have a pleasurable, joy filled, loving, healthy sexual experience in this life.It is an honor to partner with you on this journey towards sexual health and fulfillment! 
img 3783 Sex and porn addiction or Compulsive behavior patterns??