Women’s sexuality crash course part one

Author: taliaamour
April 3, 2017

here is the post you all have been waiting for!a crash course in women’s sexual challenges! I have divided it into two posts her is the first part

men and women have Many overlapping sexual concerns with low or no desire being the number one reported issue. In general you often find more information about women’s sexual challenges written about than men, usually because women are more likely to report sexual challenges to doctors and therapist. for women, inability to reach orgasm at all or with a partner sex is a close second challenge.

there is an interest in the pharmaceutical industry to try to find the new female Viagra- but there are really not as many options for women as there for men. women’s sexuality is very complex and often stems from memory and emotions…things that can not be addressed or measured with a pill. most of the time the messages our culture and society send women deeply affect their sexuality. they are never really given permission to enjoy and experience their sexual selves.

when you start to understand the cycle of energy involved in our sexual experience it all starts to make sense! one of the best analogies I’ve heard is from the book the multi orgasmic man- women’s sexuality is like boiling water: it take a little time to heat up and start to boil but once it does it takes a while to cool off! this means guys start slow! start soft! watch for her body’s response! ask what feels good! as a woman I’ve noticed what worked yesterday may not be the same today! l I think it has to do with hormones ) I tend to like different things at different times variety is key. what stays the same is the cycle. take time to build desire create the sexual tension. let her warm up before you dive in so to speak. women are stimulated verbally tell us what you think is sexy about us, tell us what turns you on, ask us what turns on! the imagination is the most powerful tool for arousal and the skin is the largest organ in the body. learn different types of touch, learn to feel our skin not just grab and jab us.

low or no desire: number one concern among women today.

-social conditioning is a major issue- messages include but not limited to: good girls don’t like sex, stay a virgin until marriage, sex is shameful and bad…the mother or whore message: that you can’t be both; men want a virginal wife but are obsessed with sex so sometimes men have issues experiencing their most erotic fantasies with their partner. these mixed messages can lead to shutting down of a womans sexual desire, not exploring their sexual desire at all, feeling shame and guilt for even acknowledging it.

other causes can be

-aging: perimenopause (the period before menopause one year or years before the last menstrual period) can greatly affect a woman’s sex drive. decline in estrogen can create hot flashes, mood swings, night sweats,weight gain,bloating, painful sex and being ignored by men make them feel less desirable. hormone replacement therapy may be an option to help alleviate symptoms. anti-depressants and other medications may add to challenges in addition to hysterectomy and other medical issues. always check out medications and hormones when addressing low sex drive they are often the culprit!

-relationship conflicts and power struggle issues: unresolved issues/long term unresolved conflicts in the relationship, some that may have nothing to do with sex even, may be affecting the libido as well. moving past an affair can also be an unresolved emotional issue.

women’s sexual desire is linked to the emotional and verbal part of the brain so make sure to resolve whatever issues and challenges you can by new learning communication skills. go The a councillor or therapist if you can’t seem to move beyond a past issue. you may also want to agree to set the issues aside and just connect with each other in a sacred space or by pure erotic desire. this takes communication and a conscious effort from both people. some issue take time and there is no reason you can’t come together intimately in the between time- as long as you’re both committed to resolving the issue.

women may also use sex as a way of gaining power or control in a situation they feel powerless in. they may be denying themselves pleasure and/or their partner pleasure because they feel powerless in another aspect of the relationship. again communication skills!! learn to authentically listen to each other.

-body image issues: feeling ashamed of their body or part of body, they may no longer feel sexy and shut down their sexual and or social self. they feel no self pleasure. encourage autonomy- the two of you separately were attracted to each other to come together as one- you both need time to cultivate a sense of self so you can again come together- maintaining a sense of self separate from your partner or child creates eroticism! don’t just become so and so’s husband/wife/mother/father- you are still a person apart from these roles we play.

masturbation is a great way to start to ‘prime the pump’- women may need permission to experience their sexual self. it’s important for her to acknowledge what is great and sexy about herself, give her permission to awaken her capacity to experience orgasmic energy again. tell her she is sexy! tell her what you love about her- not just physical attributes too. tell her and show her every day.

encourage self pleasure- it is a great way to start feeling orgasmic- masturbation is the foundation for partner sex!

-fatigue,low energy: is often an a major issue that affects sex drive! working mothers, high achievers,type a personality and even codependency can drain energy. when women are so busy caring for others, they Often have little time to care for themselves.

taking the time to relax in a way they define is important…you must serve from your saucer not your cup!

finding a ritual or routine to decompress like dance, exercise, take a bath, light candles, is a essential oils, massage are helpful in creating a transition from stress to sex! focus on building self esteem and self worth: you are responsible for your own orgasm, and so is she responsible for hers…she has to find what works for her. give her time to herself if needed, send her to the spa or out with her girlfriends to have some time away from household responsibility.

she needs time and space to be autonomous just like you.

-trauma,abuse , coercive relationship: before a woman can give herself permission to enjoy sex she must first heal old wounds. often times a therapist is best for working through past trauma and abuse. focus on surviving and thriving. women often shut down as a result of a bad experience. healing bodywork is a special modality that can be helpful. you may need to have sex in a certain way she is comfortable with touch her the way she wants to be touched.

This is a lot to take in! Stay connected for part two it’s a big one! Guys get ready for some more solid advice! 

#itstaliatime #escort advice


Crash course in men sexual functions: your top concerns addressed

By talia amour
I’ve been told 80% of solving the challenge is creating awareness around it. what you see, you can influence or control. What you don’t see or understand has the ability to influence and control you.

It’s important to note that when referring to sexual peak we are referring to the peak of biological function, not your capacity for experiencing satisfaction or pleasure.

Men have their sexual peak in the later teens: referring to the peak time of the flow of hormones. (For women the peak reproductive time is in their thirties) 

In 1999 jama released a study on sexual dysfunction it change the way that we speak openly about sexual functioning it was the birthing of Viagra and then came Cialis and Levitra used for maintaining an erection for men. This was all well and good for maintaining an erection but it did not take into consideration the other aspects of male sexual functioning. Sexuality and sexual function includes 

Mind

Body 

Emotions

Spirit

Energy

In coaching we prefer to use the terminology breakdown or concern vs. Dysfunction. I always recommend getting your annual check up and blood work done to rule out any biological factors that may contribute to your sexual concerns.

Here are the top sexual concerns of men:

Low desire: oftentimes low desire has to do with not having enough energy/being exhausted; low testosterone; side effects from certain medications. It’s best to eliminate physical possibilities first; see a doctor to rule out low T and other biological issues. 

Hot tips: reframe self-talk, work on increasing self-esteem, get additional education, get enough rest at night or take a nap if possible. Monitor intake of caffeine, sugar and other stimulants that could lead you to ‘ crash’ hours later
Early ejaculation: Sometimes men become aroused very quickly. They are unaware of each phase therefor lack the ability to control it. Often times you need to learn to tolerate pleasure. most of the time these men hurry in all aspects of their life. they often tend to be very type-a personalities. . 

Understand that orgasm starts before the ejaculation. The ejaculation is a physical response to the orgasm or orgasmic energy flowing through the body.

Another culprit could be sexual patterning: such as trying to ejaculate quickly in order to ‘not get caught’ (think masturbation) or trying to ‘hurry up and finish’ in fear that the partner is not truly enjoying the experience.

Hot tips: Learn to slow down and experience the pleasure of the moment. 

It’s important to take the judgment out of the challenge: reframe ‘early’ with ‘trying to control the release’ of ejaculation. 

Try to focus on pleasurable Sensations through out your body not only in the genital region, ride the waves of pleasure or in other words ‘tolerate’ pleasure.

Get to know the “sexual respond cycle”and the signs of each phase. (These were originally defined by masters and johnson in the 50′s: excitement, plateau,orgasm, resolution )

Find your ‘tipping point’ or ‘point of no return’ recognize when the inevitable moment of ejaculation occurs in order to control the release. 

There are many tantra techniques dedicated to this specifically,(ask me for more details it’s my speciality!) like the breathing squeeze, pressing at the base of the cock or at the frenulum. there are also certain devices like cock rings that could be useful, (I’ve even heard of extreme cases where antidepressants prescribed by a doctor).  

 A great resource is the book multi orgasmic man by Mantik chia.

If the spiritual aspect is too far out I suggest checking out the video, the maxwell multiple climax. The techniques are explained by a man, in a man words and in non-spiritual terms. The video as entertaining as well as educational.
Delayed ejaculation: often times they’re experiencing energetic orgasm/pleasure without releasing the ejaculation or ejaculating after they’re experiencing the energetic orgasm. There can be a few biological reasons this could happen: if you have had prostate surgery it’s possible that they may not have much ejaculate fluid to be released, there is also such a thing as reverse ejaculation ( where the fluid goes into the bladder instead of coming out of the penis) It’s important to rule out biological issues first! (Rare concern, I have seen twice so far, if you feel like you’re about to ejaculate and urine comes out instead: seek medical professionals help sooner than later. this could be an issue with the prostate. biologically speaking you are not supposed to be able to urinate while the penis is erect there is a valve in there that prevents this from happening in normal function) 

* Men who only have this challenge with a partner need to address trust issues and relationship dynamics that are affecting their sexuality. (Sometimes therapy is necessary for people to work through their trust issues before they can appropriately address their sexual concerns.)

People experiencing delayed ejaculation often are having issues with controlling their ejaculation it often can have to do with a fear of letting go….again trust issues.

they may believe they are losing some sense of self or sense of control. They may not feel safe enough or trust their partner enough to let go and experience pleasure.  

Hot tips: It is important to cultivate a feeling of safety and Trust so you can merge with your partner and experience orgasm. Explore concepts of intimacy and values.

Seek therapy if there have been traumatic experiences that are affecting your sexuality at present. Remember coaching is about being present and moving forward; therapy addresses the past in order to become present. Reaching out for help as a sign of strength. 

Sexual inhibitions and social/dating skills deficit: being ‘shy’ or scared to try something new; lack of experience or if you have had a disruption in your sexual development that has inhibited you from experiencing sexual pleasure or developing a sense of own sexual self. You need to understand the unconscious messages you are telling yourself and that the outside world has told you. Often misconceptions or misunderstanding that you have come to believe are ‘true’ may not be the ‘truth’.

Hot tips: consider an idea that you think is the ‘truth’ is not….such as the common misconception ‘women don’t enjoy sex’ the truth is that women do enjoy sex….another one may be that you think you are not a good enough lover, the truth is that you are good enough but maybe you have some techniques to learn or growing to do to reach your potential or ideal self.

reframing critical self-talk an continue learning and exploring your sexual self. 

We often ‘idealization’ or ‘objectify’ and need to ‘normalize’ and see people as people.  

Reduce the amount of time watching porn and get experience in the real world. Learn new communication skills. Know that porn can be a great addition to healthy sexual experience. But porn only captures the highlights and extremes, they are actors performing for your pleasure and enjoyment. In real life your sexual experience is not a performance and you will have to participate in all of the scenes before,in between and after, that are not shown on your favorite video.
Body image issues:Men often have body image issues just like women do: too fat, too thin, loosing your hair, aging…..one of the number one concerns is penis size! (the average penis is 5 and a half to 6 inches in length and usually around 4 inches in diameter. the majority of women will tell you that the girth is more important than the length. the flaccid penis is usually much smaller than a fully aroused and erect one)

Hot tips: focus on being healthy! Cut out sodas and fast food. Get at least 20to 30 minutes of exercise 5-6 days a week.

Find additional ways experience pleasure beyond penetrative sex, such as using your hands, mouths, toys or your mind by fantasizing. 

Penis enhancers are available. there are toys, herbal supplements (and in extreme cases surgery and implants). there could also be the elements of just accepting your body and loving it yourself as you are.