Crash course women’s arousal and pleasure

Author: taliaamour
May 30, 2019

women’s #arousal and #pleasure 
One of the greatest challenges in #relationships is

unskilled/uneducated/unaware lovers and #communication breakdown.

It is no surprise these can be major issues. Many of us had a lack of accurate sexual health information available growing up and even as adults. There is little to no research done on women’s sexual pleasure and pain. (please donate to vulvalove.org) No one ever teaches us communication skills, let alone communication skills about sexual needs and desires. 

Many women often say no sex is better than bad sex! Especially if they are having trouble experiencing orgasm with a partner, if they have asked for what they want and are not getting it or simply don’t know what to ask for or how to ask.

Here are a few tips and recommendations for creating a more satisfying experience for yourself and your partner.

Have a consent or exploration conversation before you dive into any sexual experience. (especially with a new partner)

Make sure that she feels comfortable to communicate with you- *hot tip: Frame the conversation- Say out loud- there are no judgment or expectations and nothing will be taken personally, this is all just information…and mean it!

Many women are willing to try different things as long as they feel safe and not ashamed or judged by/with their partner, trust is of utmost importance! 

Guys: Don’t act out the porn you just saw unless you have had a discussion about it first. Porn is not real life. Porn is not sex education, porn is entertainment – you don’t see the before, in between and after care – it is only the hi lites for your entertainment. Porn can be used in a healthy way. However be conscious: when it has become your main source of turn on, only way you learned about sex and or viewed compulsively it can greatly disturb arousal, strength of erection/erection consistency, sexual response and relationships with other people.

Idea- Perhaps you could watch porn together then talk about the way it makes you feel and discuss whether or not it’s something that you would like to try together.

Remember- in the heat of the moment yes’ can become no’s but no’s can not become yes’. 

  (Side note: Even with an escort it is best to find out what they are comfortable with when you start the date (not via email, many companions will don’t discuss specifics via email for safety reasons) Just because you are making a donation for their TIME doesn’t give you permission to treat them in a way that they feel is disrespectful or unpleasurable to them.)

*hot tip: how to start a conversation ? You could say 

I’m really into XYZ are you comfortable with that?’ 

‘I recently saw this type of play and I am interested in experimenting. 

How do you feel/what do you think about that? 

 Would you like to try it with me?’ 

Tell me if I am using too much or too little pressure…

Does xyz feel good to you? 

Would you like more pressure than this or less?

What are your boundaries as far as kink?

What do you find pleasurable? 

What is not pleasurable to you? 

A little bit of communication even if it feels awkward, can guarantee a more satisfying experience for you both. Keep in mind the more you have these conversations the more comfortable they will become.

Please do not be offended if your partner has not had an orgasm with you or their whole life.

Most women take orgasm to make the man feel better about himself/not to hurt his feelings. (Some men’s self esteem and ego is greatly intertwined in their sexual prowess. This is a harmful message men receive growing up that I believe needs to be dispelled as it is harmful to men and women alike) 

If a woman has never orgasmed remind them they deserve sexual pleasure and you are honored to help them experience that- at their own pace. 

*possibility: There may be a misconception of what an orgasm is. Keep in mind: what you see in porn is not always how a woman expresses orgasm. (I know I have had silent orgasms, laughing orgasms, intense loud orgasms, shaking orgasms). There is a full spectrum of orgasmic energy and it comes out in many different ways. Don’t limit her. Just because it doesn’t look like you think it should, does not mean that she did not experience orgasm. Porn is exaggerated and dramatic for your entertainment, it’s just like any movie where emotions and actions are dramatize in order to get the point across. 

*recommendation: video-becoming orgasmic. 

It can be helpful to see how other women look during an orgasm that is not staged. Some women feel like they look ugly or weird when they have that big O. 

Give her more time to become aroused before direct genital contact. 

Encourage self pleasure and to go longer with self pleasure.

Did you know: most women take anywhere from 20-40 min to become fully aroused. 

Challenges experiencing orgasm may result from having a conservative family upbringing. There may be shame and guilt around sexuality. Maybe there was no privacy to even explore themselves. They may even have old patterns of orgasm and masrurbation that are challenging to integrate into partner sex….have no judgments and do not shame them. 

Did you know: 80 to 90 %of women need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. 3 out of 4 women do not reach orgasm from penetrative sex alone. 

New techniques may need to be learned. 

*book recommendation: She Comes First

Sexalogical body work is an option depending on where you live and the laws. 

Betty Dodson is a great resource for women to become comfortable with/get to know their bodies and orgasm.

Trusting their partner is a large part of experiencing orgasm as well. Trust is built by little things through the day and overtime. Doing what you say you will (having integrity with your words and actions) about little things helps to build trust. Call when you say you will, ask her about something she thought was important she shared with you. Being on time. I know it sounds silly but if you have integrity with little things it shows you will have integrity with big things. That creates trust.

It takes courage to be vulnerable and release control. Learning to/allow yourself to let go and relax and experience is a huge deal! Again this comes from discussing boundaries and respecting/sticking to them. 

One mee hot tip for you- 

remove the pressure/expectations around having an orgasm or an ejaculation! Come into the moment and enjoy the connection. Fall in love with the journey along the way unattached to an end result. That is when magic happens. 

Travel dates 

Pittsburgh may 25-June 1

Tampa June 2-9

Atlanta June 10-14

Tampa June 14- sept 3

Sept 4 is my birthday I will be going to Costa Rica for a Coaching Workshop. I would be very grateful for any gifts/donations to contribute towards this training. The dates are sept 5-13 so I leave on my birthday and get home on sept 14. 

Donations to my education can be sent to holisticprogressions@yahoo.com via P.P send money to a friend. I also have venmo you can message me for that info. Thank you in advance for your generosity and support on my mission to dispel the false belief that masculine energy is toxic. It is time to bring the Divine back to masculine! When we bring the Conscious Divine masculine we also bring Conscious Divine feminine. When we heal one we heal the other two halves make us whole.

Website link
Twitter @talia_amour

Email taliaamour@protonmail.com

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