Sex and technology 

Author: taliaamour
March 2, 2018

Sex tech
By Talia Amour

So I just listened to this presentation by Dr Holly Richmond on sex and Technology. There was so much information in this hour presentation I’m going to have to go back and listen to it again. I can’t wait for her book to come out! 

Off of the top of my head the 4 main things that stood out to me and got my mind going warp speed seriously I was listening to this at the gym and I was totally talking to myself, all worked up) as follows….

First things first! the opportunities for sex workers are enormous!

 Can you imagine seeing clients/sex workers without physically being there? There’s technology now where two people can have devices be halfway across the world and have them synced together: I can have a vibrator/ dildo that is linked up to your Fleshlight type device and either one of us can control the stroking…so like we’re actually there with each other but we’re halfway around the globe?! If you put a virtual reality headset on with these devices you have a complete immersion experience. (Check out Some of these devices are linked through apps….. I’m interested in the idea that I could get my body visually copied in virtual reality, do a mold of my pussy and create an app that is connected to me personally. (if you are a sex tech company dm me, please I want to get into this) You could log on with the device that goes with the app and we can play in VR world! I could see clients all around the world without being there in person… can you imagine???

would you sign up for this as a sex worker or as a client??

or have a private lap dance in VR linked to a live dancer?? 

The second thing that’s blowing my mind is all these new sexual preferences coming out….how about this one called Digi sexual. It’s the idea that some people have a sexual preference towards computers or virtual reality or non human interaction. I still need to do a little more research on this to fully understand and grasp the concept. My first impression is personally, (in my own personal opinion) I think it’s nonsense….’what did these people do before tech?” I asked the presenter. 

She says they just felt isolated and alone because they didn’t have any options. As a sex coach I can hold space for someone without Judgment of them and acknowledge and validate as well as normalize their preference. “as long as they feel like they’re healthy” she said.

I asked isn’t it healthy for people to reach out to other human beings and engage in partner sex? She said that Digital Sex Is Still sex, self pleasure and masturbation still counts as sex. So moving forward, as long as you are happy and healthy in general and have no issues with your preference to only interact with yourself and a computer then more power to you. In my personal life I’m not really sure where I stand just yet more will be revealed.

 My idea is that as long as sex is consensual between two people then it’s fine but this brings up the point that it’s not another person, it’s just technology… maybe I’m dating myself or aging myself but I’m having challenges wrapping my head around the fact that there are people out there that do not prefer human interaction in any way shape or form and do not have any dysfunction involved with this preference. Dr Richmond said that this is a new category and realistically maybe 1% if that of the population would consider themselves digi sexual.

Number 3 thing that was mentioned is that right now a lot of this new virtual reality technology is based on male point of views (pov). We are just now starting to see some virtual reality from a female perspective. She was able to participate and making the first virtual reality sex education experience made from a female standpoint! How awesome is that?!

Even the companion dolls or sex robots as some people call them, are majority female marketed towards men. She said the people purchasing these custom-made dolls are mostly men at this point and see them as companions not just as a sexual object which is a whole nother level if you ask me. 

There’s a part of me that questions what’s going on with this person that they have an inability or unwilling to interact with another human being on an intimate level. I understand that some people don’t have the social skills, experience or the confidence to reach out for interaction with another person; but the other part of me thinks that there can be healing done around this and socialization can be learned, confidence can be built. Yes, some people are naturally more outgoing and social but in general those skills can be learned. 

Another question for you the readers would you date someone or have a serious relationship with someone that you knew was into the companion dolls or had a companion doll? How would you feel about a partner getting up companion doll? 

The presenters main point about the sex tech industry is that it has the ability to be utilized for Sex Therapy, recovering from trauma,abuse and learning how to be intimate with a partner. She’s also promoting its use to help people experience empathy, for example a man and a woman switch point of views in virtual reality: now a man sees what it’s like to be in a woman’s shoes during a sexual experience and vice versa. She’s talking about something that happens when you look into another person’s eyes: a feeling of connection, compassion and empathy a deeper bond is formed. 

Another question for you the readers (I’m very curious about a lot of things)

Do you think that you could experience an emotional connection with artificial intelligence or somebody in virtual reality? 

The reality is, people are already forming emotional connections and intimate relationships through the internet, virtual reality and gaming.

Fourth thing that stood out to me that was briefly touched on: what are the social implications of virtual reality, internet sexual experiences? Dr Richmond (and I too am hopeful), naturally has a positive spin on this. At present, we are already dealing with the implications of technology in our sex lives. In Esther Perel’s book State of Affairs, she discusses the meaning of infidelity in today’s society and in multiple cultures. Each couple must determine what infidelity means to them. Is webcam cheating? visiting a massage parlor? If it is a paid interaction, does it still count? 

What about simply chatting with old lovers or Partners online? Are you cheating if you still keep your dating apps and simply flirting with people online but don’t ever meet them? 

Maybe cheating is more of an emotional connection: is it more distressing to you to know that your partner has formed a deep emotional bond with somebody else or is it more painful to think that they had a fling- a non-emotional, sexual experience and just moved on? Technology can bring so much joy, diversity/variety, progress and pleasure….yet it can also be applied negatively and we experience confusion and pain. (After all I always say: our greatest qualities can quickly become our worst depending on how they are applied).

Being of the school of thought that sex addiction and porn addiction is not a technical thing in psychology, (as it is not in the DSM 5) being of the school of thought that there are compulsive Behavior patterns that needs to be addressed; the theory going around is that virtual reality porn and such is not going to exacerbate the problem. If somebody has a issue with compulsive Behavior then they already have that issue: having another outlet for it is not going to create more people with compulsive Behavior. What do you think?

Her prediction is that within the next five years we’re going to be seeing more of this sextech geared toward partner sex.

The more we normalize sexuality and focus on consensual sexual behavior, the more we will be open to experience and explore with ourselves and partners. 

Is sexuality something to be hidden for you to hold within yourself and keep from your partner? or is it something to be shared and explored together? Are there limits to what is shared or kept secret? or are you supposed to share everything with your partner sexually? The virtual reality realm opens the door for us to have experiences that we may not normally do in real life. We are of the school of thought that even Digital Sex counts as sex.

Yes more questions for you to ponder… does Digital Sex count as sex to you? can you see yourself with your partner engaging in sex tech together?

I would love to get your feedback on this send me a direct message or reply on Twitter, comment on this post, you can even send me an email…. there’s so much to be explored and I am so interested to hear everyone’s opinions

#technology #sextech

img 3694 Sex and technology 

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