Addiction or compulsive behavior part 2

Author: taliaamour
February 12, 2018

Addiction or compulsive behavior part 2

Part one is the dec 26,2017 post 

thoughts on addiction….I have to get this out of my head…..

I recently received a concerning e-mail that has prompted this post

a man proclaimed that he and the ‘majority of’ my clients are ‘sex addicts’ full of ‘self loathing’; sneaking around just trying to get their next ‘fix ‘

he told me that his personal life is more important than me or my time and I should be tolerant of his multiple short emails and request for less than my standard minimum date; I should be appreciative of his ‘sneaky’ and manipulative Behavior as I am just here to satisfy his uncontrollable cravings and compulsive Behavior- (which of course will never truly be satisfied because once he gets that fix he’s just going to want another- he will repeat the same pattern either with me or someone else)

he wines to me about how he has ‘no control’ over his ‘urges’ or his choices and behavior because of his ‘addiction’

Well guess what??? he may be in a compulsive Behavior pattern, however, to suggest that he is going to die or self-destruct if he chooses to control himself is absolutely ridiculous. it’s time he income accountable for his actions and choices.

It is also insulting for him to accuse the majority of my clients of being ‘sex addicts that don’t value me, my time or perspective on sexuality.

I explained to him that my website, blog and social media clearly reflect my position and perspective on sexuality. The majority of the people that I see are healthy individuals who share my perspective on sexuality. We see sexuality as being a healthy part of being a human being it is positive and fulfilling.

He is a grown man yet has no control over his behavior or the choices he makes??? I call bullshit…take responsibility for yourself as a grown man.

I am not an object or drug here to enable you.

If he was talking about using drugs or drinking alcohol I would completely agree- that once you take that first drink or drug you no longer have a choice to continue- if you are truly an addict- once a mind-altering substance or chemical is ingested something physically happens- physical dependence can occur which is ultimately life threatening.

Compulsive Behavior patterns can cause a shift in brain chemistry however you are not physically chemically dependent on a substance…. You will not die or go into convulsions or be hospitalized if you don’t jerk off.

There is a huge difference between indulging in a behavior pattern and experiencing physical dependence on a substance….therefore

(in December I made a post about

compulsive sexual behavior…some people call it was addiction or porn addiction)

as a coach I do not subscribe to the sex or porn addiction theory- I see it as a compulsive behavior pattern.  

I do however acknowledge the fact that addiction is a real thing. I take it very seriously- it’s life or death.

If someone is truly an addict- addiction will manifest itself in many areas of their life, not just in one isolated area.

Therefore, I would acknowledge one as an addict in general, you may have a specific drug of choice and addict behavior….there are specific support groups for those that identify with a particular behavior or drug.

Drug use and compulsive Behavior patterns are a symptom of a greater dis-ease.

dis-ease. As in not being at ease, not being comfortable in your own skin, lacking self acceptance and accountability, having a disconnection with your higher power or no faith at all.

Addiction is a spiritual disease that can manifest itself in multiple areas of someone’s life. if we do not address the core then we are simply trying to manage or treat symptoms.

I think that healthy people can fall into compulsive Behavior patterns and need help reprogramming themselves at times.

However an addict will continue to have the same Obsession compulsion and self-centeredness resurface in many different areas of their life at different times unless they get into recovery.

Simply abstaining from something is not the same as recovery.

My point being that someone can have a compulsive Behavior pattern and not be an addict.

It is up to the individual to determine for themselves if they are truly an addict or just experiencing compulsive Behavior or bad habits if you will.

There is no shame and being an addict. our culture and Society stigmatizes addiction, however it is much more common than we would like to admit.

It is a complex situation: being uncomfortable with yourself,loss of faith or purpose, lacking self-acceptance, yet demonstrating self-centered Behavior patterns.

Trying to manipulate situations and people in order to get what you want when you want it at any cost… continuing destructive and harmful behaviors regardless of the consequences to yourself or others.

many 12-step programs state the idea that we are not responsible for being an addict but we are responsible for our recovery.

Everyday we have a choice-

every moment we have a choice.

recovery is possible

when someone admits to being an addict it is their responsibility to seek help-

for addicts the end is always the same- jails, institution or death ( not necessarily in that order).

I am interested in being part of the solution not someone’s problem.

I have no judgment or I’ll will to this person. I wish him the best in his journey and hope he finds recovery.

you have a loving higher power (as defined by you) we all deserve to self acceptance, spiritual connection, love, peace and fulfillment. 
Book recommendation 

Your Brain on Porn by Gary Wilson 

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