Author: taliaamour
February 1, 2018

So you want to be a better lover… men often asked me how can they be better in bed. There are so many men that experience self-doubt when dealing with women. Getting so concerned with what they think they’re supposed to be doing and what they think that their partner is supposed to be doing that they cannot truly enjoy the moment and be authentic. Our culture and Society has shown us that overt sexual expression is the norm. At the same time, they guilt and shame sexual expression. That’s a lot of mixed messages

From my experience, I have seen that each one of us has a natural disposition towards what we like sexually. Some of our sexual preferences are very rigid others are more fluid. Some people enjoy touch and foreplay. While others like space,mother tease or build up of energy. Some are more auditory and like to talk about things that make sounds. some people don’t know what all the fuss is about they just want direct sexual contact and penetrative sex and that’s it. there are also those who like something different, something a little kinky-thoughts, fantasy, sensation… anything besides very vanilla. All of these are normal and acceptable what’s great is figuring out where you fit within the spectrum of sexuality. We all go through different stages in our life. We go through stages of expression and development where we become mature adults. Once we reach the age of consent, 18 for the us, we have the opportunity to consensually explore all different options of sexual expression and experience. The main point is that these experiences are between consenting adults without cohesion manipulation or lies. it’s best to always take health seriously and practice safer sex. 

When going about your sexual Journey the first part is to connect with your self. figure out who you are and what you like, after all masturbation is the foundation of partner sex. A sign of a healthy individual is seeking partner sex and to connect with another human being on a more intimate level. 

 I always recommend before diving into a sexual relationship with someone in real life, you take the time to get to know them a little bit. when you build trust and form a relationship that does not involve sex. When you built a connection with someone, build trust and intimacy….when you do decide to take it to the next level your experience can be so much more for filling and satisfying than just going through the motions, with someone you don’t know. Even when with a provider, take time to chat for a bit or read her website, blog and offer some info about yourself in return. We want to get to know you just like you want to know us.

 If you plan on seeking a long-term partner you’re going to have to have discussions about sex and sexuality throughout your long-term relationship. if you don’t start out having those conversations in the beginning, it’s going to be much more challenging to have those conversations later on. If you haven’t done much sexual experimentation with yourself or another person, building Trust in the relationship first gives you the opportunity to explore with that person. Communication is the key throughout your sexual Journey.

You will want to talk about health, politics of sex find out if you guys are both on the same page as far as sexual expression and healthy sexual practice. If you have had any trauma or abuse in your past you may want to make sure that the person you are with is going to have compassion for you and your situation and is willing to take time with you to explore sexuality out of pace you are comfortable with. Discuss your definition of monogamy what does it mean for you to have a long-term relationship what’s your definition of marriage what does it mean to you to be a man or a woman what roles do you believe each other should play in a relationship?

Getting to know someone sexually actually involves quite a bit of discussion not just about the act of sex itself but, values, political views, family beliefs, health issues, religious or spiritual beliefs: many people just rush into the act and then later find out that they’re definitions of monogamy are completely different…. or maybe one person believes in abortion and the other one doesn’t. 

Having conversations about sex can be sexy. Taking the time to get to know your partner on an intellectual level helps you understand their boundaries and expectations you may even decide that you don’t want to get into a sexual relationship with that person after you get to know them more. You could get to know someone and decide that both of you are very compatible and want to go for it. at least you know some of the challenges you may encounter along the way if you have discussions first.

 It’s important to be open and honest with yourself, so you can be open and honest with your partner. If you are not honest with yourself and present yourself as someone that you truly are, you’re robbing the other person of an opportunity to make an informed decision, there for removing consent from the equation, which can be very damaging.

So you want to be better in bed? get to know the person first! Ask them how they like to be touched, what feels good, what they don’t like/deal breakers. build a level of trust and intimacy based on other things besides sex too, ( so you feel comfortable asking them what they like and what they don’t like what feels good to them). Take it slow start out soft and ask if they like more pressure or faster or harder women tend to need an amount of foreplay and touch to warm up to an experience. once we are going we may enjoy more pressure or vigorous thrusting but it’s best to start out slow because you can always do more. if you shove your way forcefully in the beginning you’re more likely to hurt them, ultimately shutting  your partner down. Remove your judgements and expectations of what you think her response should be. Orgasms come in all different ways so when you limit your definition of an orgasm, you miss out on some of the most fulfilling pleasure there is to experience. 

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