Archive for February, 2017


Crash course in men sexual functions: your top concerns addressed

By talia amour
I’ve been told 80% of solving the challenge is creating awareness around it. what you see, you can influence or control. What you don’t see or understand has the ability to influence and control you.

It’s important to note that when referring to sexual peak we are referring to the peak of biological function, not your capacity for experiencing satisfaction or pleasure.

Men have their sexual peak in the later teens: referring to the peak time of the flow of hormones. (For women the peak reproductive time is in their thirties) 

In 1999 jama released a study on sexual dysfunction it change the way that we speak openly about sexual functioning it was the birthing of Viagra and then came Cialis and Levitra used for maintaining an erection for men. This was all well and good for maintaining an erection but it did not take into consideration the other aspects of male sexual functioning. Sexuality and sexual function includes 

Mind

Body 

Emotions

Spirit

Energy

In coaching we prefer to use the terminology breakdown or concern vs. Dysfunction. I always recommend getting your annual check up and blood work done to rule out any biological factors that may contribute to your sexual concerns.

Here are the top sexual concerns of men:

Low desire: oftentimes low desire has to do with not having enough energy/being exhausted; low testosterone; side effects from certain medications. It’s best to eliminate physical possibilities first; see a doctor to rule out low T and other biological issues. 

Hot tips: reframe self-talk, work on increasing self-esteem, get additional education, get enough rest at night or take a nap if possible. Monitor intake of caffeine, sugar and other stimulants that could lead you to ‘ crash’ hours later
Early ejaculation: Sometimes men become aroused very quickly. They are unaware of each phase therefor lack the ability to control it. Often times you need to learn to tolerate pleasure. most of the time these men hurry in all aspects of their life. they often tend to be very type-a personalities. . 

Understand that orgasm starts before the ejaculation. The ejaculation is a physical response to the orgasm or orgasmic energy flowing through the body.

Another culprit could be sexual patterning: such as trying to ejaculate quickly in order to ‘not get caught’ (think masturbation) or trying to ‘hurry up and finish’ in fear that the partner is not truly enjoying the experience.

Hot tips: Learn to slow down and experience the pleasure of the moment. 

It’s important to take the judgment out of the challenge: reframe ‘early’ with ‘trying to control the release’ of ejaculation. 

Try to focus on pleasurable Sensations through out your body not only in the genital region, ride the waves of pleasure or in other words ‘tolerate’ pleasure.

Get to know the “sexual respond cycle”and the signs of each phase. (These were originally defined by masters and johnson in the 50′s: excitement, plateau,orgasm, resolution )

Find your ‘tipping point’ or ‘point of no return’ recognize when the inevitable moment of ejaculation occurs in order to control the release. 

There are many tantra techniques dedicated to this specifically,(ask me for more details it’s my speciality!) like the breathing squeeze, pressing at the base of the cock or at the frenulum. there are also certain devices like cock rings that could be useful, (I’ve even heard of extreme cases where antidepressants prescribed by a doctor).  

 A great resource is the book multi orgasmic man by Mantik chia.

If the spiritual aspect is too far out I suggest checking out the video, the maxwell multiple climax. The techniques are explained by a man, in a man words and in non-spiritual terms. The video as entertaining as well as educational.
Delayed ejaculation: often times they’re experiencing energetic orgasm/pleasure without releasing the ejaculation or ejaculating after they’re experiencing the energetic orgasm. There can be a few biological reasons this could happen: if you have had prostate surgery it’s possible that they may not have much ejaculate fluid to be released, there is also such a thing as reverse ejaculation ( where the fluid goes into the bladder instead of coming out of the penis) It’s important to rule out biological issues first! (Rare concern, I have seen twice so far, if you feel like you’re about to ejaculate and urine comes out instead: seek medical professionals help sooner than later. this could be an issue with the prostate. biologically speaking you are not supposed to be able to urinate while the penis is erect there is a valve in there that prevents this from happening in normal function) 

* Men who only have this challenge with a partner need to address trust issues and relationship dynamics that are affecting their sexuality. (Sometimes therapy is necessary for people to work through their trust issues before they can appropriately address their sexual concerns.)

People experiencing delayed ejaculation often are having issues with controlling their ejaculation it often can have to do with a fear of letting go….again trust issues.

they may believe they are losing some sense of self or sense of control. They may not feel safe enough or trust their partner enough to let go and experience pleasure.  

Hot tips: It is important to cultivate a feeling of safety and Trust so you can merge with your partner and experience orgasm. Explore concepts of intimacy and values.

Seek therapy if there have been traumatic experiences that are affecting your sexuality at present. Remember coaching is about being present and moving forward; therapy addresses the past in order to become present. Reaching out for help as a sign of strength. 

Sexual inhibitions and social/dating skills deficit: being ‘shy’ or scared to try something new; lack of experience or if you have had a disruption in your sexual development that has inhibited you from experiencing sexual pleasure or developing a sense of own sexual self. You need to understand the unconscious messages you are telling yourself and that the outside world has told you. Often misconceptions or misunderstanding that you have come to believe are ‘true’ may not be the ‘truth’.

Hot tips: consider an idea that you think is the ‘truth’ is not….such as the common misconception ‘women don’t enjoy sex’ the truth is that women do enjoy sex….another one may be that you think you are not a good enough lover, the truth is that you are good enough but maybe you have some techniques to learn or growing to do to reach your potential or ideal self.

reframing critical self-talk an continue learning and exploring your sexual self. 

We often ‘idealization’ or ‘objectify’ and need to ‘normalize’ and see people as people.  

Reduce the amount of time watching porn and get experience in the real world. Learn new communication skills. Know that porn can be a great addition to healthy sexual experience. But porn only captures the highlights and extremes, they are actors performing for your pleasure and enjoyment. In real life your sexual experience is not a performance and you will have to participate in all of the scenes before,in between and after, that are not shown on your favorite video.
Body image issues:Men often have body image issues just like women do: too fat, too thin, loosing your hair, aging…..one of the number one concerns is penis size! (the average penis is 5 and a half to 6 inches in length and usually around 4 inches in diameter. the majority of women will tell you that the girth is more important than the length. the flaccid penis is usually much smaller than a fully aroused and erect one)

Hot tips: focus on being healthy! Cut out sodas and fast food. Get at least 20to 30 minutes of exercise 5-6 days a week.

Find additional ways experience pleasure beyond penetrative sex, such as using your hands, mouths, toys or your mind by fantasizing. 

Penis enhancers are available. there are toys, herbal supplements (and in extreme cases surgery and implants). there could also be the elements of just accepting your body and loving it yourself as you are.